Sunday, February 20, 2005

I really don't know what to say.I knew this day would come. I thought it'd be of an od or something more along those lines. Why is it all of my heroes kill themselves? It was about a year ago when they found Spalding Gray's body. And it was about four hours ago I was thinking that I really couldn't think of a good reason why I'm alive right now. Few would miss me and most of them are missing me right now anyway.But don't worry. That was one of those idle thoughts one has every six months or so when work piles up and you don't get out enough. I'm sure there are billions of reasons I'm going to keep on. I don't pretend to know why he did it. I kind of get why Spalding Gray offed himself, but Thompson I don't get except that maybe he just finally got to fried. Or maybe it all just got to him more than it ever had.I have a tattoo of the Gonzo symbol on my right shoulder. I got it when I was 19. I have all of his published works and one of my prized personal books is an autographed HST.
To be honest it's struck me harder than I expected it to. If it'd happened about eight years ago I wouldn't be surprised to be struck like this. I expect a lot of phone calls tomorrow. Lob already left me a message.

The Summer has ended and we are not yet saved.

I really wish I wasn't alone tonight.

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