Monday, July 19, 2004

I didn't get a tattoo today. I've got the design and I've got the desire. What I lack is the confidence in my money. I have the money but I've got a year's worth of car insurance, a credit card bill, and a phone bill all waiting for me when I get back. About a thousand dollars all told. And while I have enough to cover it and enough left over to get my awesome tattoo, I would have to be certain then that nothing went wrong in the next two or three months. That I cannot do. So the tattoo is waiting until I get a leg up on the pile. It's not like we don't have at least three tattoo parlors in Chico. So the design is going to be tacked to the wall as something to aspire toward.
Another factor is that I learned today that one of my prayers was answered swiftly. Nicki Jaine is coming to San Francisco in September. I'm going to go see her and it could be anywhere from a fifty to a hundred dollar night depending on how it goes and what's on the merch tables.
So here I am again thinking too much about money.
What I did do today was hang out with my grandmother for the last time until the next time I'm down here. She took me out to lunch. We talked for a few hours. She gave me two boxes full of books.
I came back and took a nap on the porch swing with Boingo.
It's evident to me why I lost so much weight when I went up to Chico. Down here my Mom cooks huge meals. I told her when I came down that I'm not eating meat anymore but that I'm okay with fish. Tonight she made crab cakes, cod, brussel sprouts, wild rice, and sourdough rolls. Even if you only try a little of each you've still got an overflowing plate. And I didn't just try a little. I don't eat like that in Chico. A small bowl of rice with soy sauce and a glass of juice is a good dinner for me.
Couple meals like Mom makes in an area where nothing is in walking distance of anything else and it starts to make sense why I used to be a larger man. I look forward to wearing out my shoes again, working out in the mornings, and eating little.
I've been like an ascetic in a candy store down here. I've loaded my pockets full of stuff and filled my belly. At first it bothered me a little when I couldn't afford my tattoo on my big vacation, like I should be making more money than that. Then I noticed that I'm having a really hard time moving around my old room down here with all of the grocery bags and boxes of stuff I've got to take back with me.
Tomorrow Mom is off from work to spend the day with me. Wednesday is packing. Thursday is the big drive back.

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