Thursday, January 01, 2004

What a strange holiday. It's not one that you hear other people getting upset about very often. You kind of sound like a crank if you're anti-new year. I get a little ansy about being out so late. I usually leave where ever I am within five minutes after midnight because it's just me and the ghosts on the roads at that point. The drunks don't start their engines until at least 12:30.
It's a holiday completely formed by the Christian church with no dogma behind it. Just an arbitrary place to start up a new year.
Unless you're Jewish or Chinese. The Wiccans put their new year a few weeks back on the solstice. There's a Thelemic new year but I don't remember when that is. I know that Satanists (that is to say those affiliated with LaVey's Church of Satan) put their new year on Walpurgisnacht, the night before May Day. The Discordians have a whole different calendar that doesn't even translate to Gregorian.
I'm a free thinking Quaker, which basically means that I'm aware of the other new years but I celebrate the Gregorian one. Actually, celebrate isn't really a good description. I told Charles last night that I just wanted to make sure 2003 was done. It was a hell of a year for me. One of those "character building" deals you read about.
Also, one of the best things about the new year is that it marks the end of the major holiday season.
But mainly it serves as an arbitrary watermark. That'd be a good band name. Arbitrary Watermark. Sounds like something on the Windham Hill label, eh what?
A year ago I was having anxiety attacks. I think I'd either just started counseling to start working through them or else I was just about to start. Either way it worked wonders and I've grown a lot from what I learned in counseling.
I was still taking twice the recommended dose of Benedryl every every night. I quit that around the end of last January.
I had just bought a ring for Nissa so I could ask her to marry me after she graduated. The ring still sits in a box on a shelf in my room. I don't know what to do with it. I don't want to just sell it because it's a very lovely ring. I kind of like it. I'd wear it if I were a girl and had much smaller hands than I have. I figure the right thing to do with it will present its self eventually. Yeah, there was the end of my relationship with Nissa halfway through this last year. There was the long downward spiral and then her breaking up with me. That whole experience was kind of like passing a kidney stone. I mean that it was one of the more painful things I've been through, but also that it was one of the healthiest things that could have happened to me at the same time. Then I had to deal with her dating others when she said she wasn't going to. The good thing there is that I actually did sit down and work out how to deal with it. I'm proud of that. I removed the thorn from my paw all by myself.
My nephew died in October. That was rough on our family. But it also brought out some of the best in us and taught us a lot. Once again, taught me things I'm not sure I wanted to know but probably needed to.
Several friends drifted out of my life. Some left abruptly. A few drifted in too.
I got a car with low milege. And it's purple.
I met Julia Butterfly Hill, which was a high point. I saw both Phish, the band, and The Dead, the band about six months apart.
The most imporant thing is probably my book business. It's my pride and my life.
I put out a chap book that I'm proud of too.
Ultimately, looking back on 2003, I'm a little better off than I was a year ago, a little wiser, but mainly I'm one year older.

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