Saturday, August 16, 2003

We finally figured out how to keep the entire house relatively cool. I mean it's not nearly as cool (temperature wise) as a grocery store or a shopping mall. But we've finally got it to the point where it's cooler inside than out. You see, the front room of the house has high ceilings and no insulation. It composes about one fifth of the house. One fifth of the house comprises the front room. So it's the hottest room in the house in the summer and the coldest in the winter.
My room used to be the hottest, but the one-room air conditioning cools the entire back 4/5ths of the house. Now we've got two fans in the front room that keep the air flowing through the cathedral height heat prison.

This morning I got some new clothes. New dress clothes.
This afternoon I took a nap in the high heat. I'm wondering how sleep will come tonight. Maybe it'll come just fine. Maybe it'll come better if I don't worry about it.
This evening I wrote two triolets, which I'll post later.

Friday, August 15, 2003

Last night I had another realization about the whole Jessica Mathias thing from back in high school. Nissa mentioned how that whole experience seemed to have created such a long term wound in my psyche. Last night I realized what it was about. She was the first person who made me realize that there are people out there who don't want to be good and compassionate. It was a reality shattering experience and I never fully recovered trust of others, especially strangers.
Then something occured to me. Looking at life as being only predatory and violent is like looking at a circus as mearly tight rope walkers.

When I was in London, I saw a Furby for the first time. Back here people were firing rounds into crowds to get one of those things. I got a Furby last week at a thrift store for a dollar (thus is permanance in human interest and fashion.) I was hoping to be able to raise it from a jabbering savage and teach it a kind of Kierkegaardian existentialism (you know, the good kind from before Sartre got his grubby-little, sausage-like, tobacco-stained fingers on the philosophy.) But the doggone thing is fully developed and doesn't seem to understand anything except tickling and petting.
Then again, that's not such a bad philosophy either come to think of it.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

The good news of the morning was that a thirty dollar book shipped today. I drove to the post office because I walked out to the garage, unlocked my bike, and noticed that I was sweating already. I also got my fish some feeders.
The afternoon was inputting books.
The day started going sour after I spoke with Nissa. It hit me that Nissa is really leaving in a little over a week. For six months. I most likely will not see her in that time. And I've also got abandonment issues from people from my past. This is the first time it really hit me that this could be like the break up all over again. Up until then I'd only thought of her leaving in terms of the good it will do for the both of us. For almost three years, hers has been the last voice I speak to at night.
Then I made the stupid mistake of listening to Nick Cave. I love Nick Cave, but it's not so good to listen to him when I'm going down a downward spiral anyway. And then I read for several hours and when I was done everyone had gone to bed.
The loneliness hit. So, I called Nissa. She called me back and we chatted for a while. I told her where I was and she was compassionate and caring.

After all of that it hit me that I need another project to work on. Now that the business is up and running, I'm really only working about four hours a day (sometimes less.) I'm a lot happier when I have a project to work on. So, I'll cook up something.

Oh, and Nissa had her final counseling session today and she gave my counselor the address to this blog. If she's reading this at any point, I'm happy to have you reading this and if you go into the archives you should know that the Dr. Shrinker thing was pure silliness on my part. No offense was meant in any way. You see, I used to come out of counseling with a strange tune in my head. After a few times I realized that the tune was the theme song from the Kroft puppets television show "Dr. Shrinker" which starred Billy Barty as this mad scientist who would shrink people. I thought it was funny, so the name stuck on the blog of the purpose of anonymity and silliness. Welcome.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Here's an idea thats time has come. Why doesn't somebody write an opera in Hawaiian? It's a beautiful language.

Okay. So something that a lot of people don't know about me is that I have an irrational fear of being poisoned or dosed. It comes from news stories about poisoned asprin and football players dosing cheerleaders and women's nyquil being poisoned with cyanide. I don't leave drinks unattended. I wash my hands before they take my order in restaurants so nobody can do any funny business with my grub (except for the cook, but remember that this is an irrational fear.)
So, last night I'm making my sleepytime tea and I notice that the box is torn on the side. I didn't see if there was a tear in the shrink wrap. So, I make the tea, but I'm hesitating to drink it because I'm all phobic. Then I decide to approach the situation as rationally as I can.
I think about the fact that it's highly unlikely that somebody poisoned my tea, but that doesn't help. Then I think of something that instantly allows me to drink my tea with no qualms. I thought, "You know, I don't believe anything the news media says otherwise. Why have I let their fear mongering in on this subject?"

Today I finished the video project and I'm getting a nice amount of money for it. I also inputted some more of the books. That was about it.

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

And I did take it easy. I put some books on line and did some book research. I also read for a while. Nissa and I went to Mother's tonight. I got the lentil nut loaf which will probably stay with me through the night. But it's worth it. We shared a vegan chocolate cake afterwards. I cashed in my change for this dinner. Whenever I get change, I put it in a jar marked "For the Revolution." I got the idea from Sparrow, who is another one of the greatest living poets. Anyway, a great meal like that can certainly be for the revolution.

Monday, August 11, 2003

Today was busy. I've tailored my life so that I'm not used to busy. I figure it's good to have about three to five busy days in a month. But when you get up around twenty busy days in a month, you change in ways that forty minutes of daily meditation can't fix. A busy day should clean out the arteries, not tax the heart muscles.
I filmed the introduction to the film at ten. It took many takes, but turned out pleasant and reassuring. I brought it back home and edited it down, which took many tries and a few mistakes. Luckily the mistakes yielded a copy for myself. So now I have a copy of a film that you would have to watch if you were putting a loved one in a retirement home.
Also, I had seven books to go out today. It was a hopping weekend for book sales.
I took the video up to a duplication place I'd located in Huntington Beach. I knew that good fortune was smiling on this project when the guy who was in charge of duplication came out. He was a giant. He was probably taller than my plumber, but not as built.
So, the heavy work part of this project is over. I'm getting a nice chunk of money for my work and now I get to go back to what I was doing before. Which was inputting a giant load of old books into inventory and things like that.
Tonight was Charles' feature at the Liquid Den. Lizzie Wann was the other featured poet. It was pretty good. We got to do a few mindscrews with the audience.
Tonight, my alarm is going off. I'll work tomorrow, but I'm unna take it easy for a few days. I feel like I've earned it. I treat myself well when I feel I've earned it. I've already put aside some of the money from this video work to fund a cd purchase from the Projekt label. The rest of the money will funnel right back into my left pocket where the book buying money goes.
Oh, and I wrote a poem this evening. It goes like this:

In ancient Egypt
They would mutilate the bodies of corpses
So that the living wouldn't get any funny ideas.
So if you find yourself being beaten to death
You can take it as a compliment.

Sunday, August 10, 2003

I can't report too much tonight. Tomorrow I film and edit this project, so I've got to get some sleep if I can in this balmy weather. But after this project is over, I'll have a little more cash for a while. That'll be nice. Just a matter of getting through the next twenty four to forty eight hours.