Saturday, July 05, 2003

I wrote another poem about Nissa. It's short, but I think it's concise as to where I am at the moment. It goes like this:

When you left, it tore a hole in my soul.
But that's okay.
It's a big soul.

Today my father and I went to get bricks for the yard of my aforementioned maternal grandmother. Her yard has been dirt for a while and the people in her trailer park are starting to talk. So she found a couple in Costa Mesa selling bricks. My father and I were recruited to move about 140 tile bricks. Needless to say we were worn out afterwards.
We went out to lunch at a diner I like in downtown Garden Grove. While I was there I discovered that the insects ate heartily of my leg last night.
I had another fitful attempt at a nap. Sleep has been very difficult lately. Suppose I have a lot on my mind. Also suppose I'd ought to start meditating before bed again.
Then I read 'The Importance of Being Ernest' on the porch swing. Walked with mom and looked at all of the lovely street art that the fireworks burned into the asphalt. That's about all.

Friday, July 04, 2003

The first half of the day was strange. I've been having the sleeping weirdness and some days I feel positively schizo until I get a nap about half way through the day. Today was just such a day. Of course, it never helps when my maternal grandmother comes over. I love her very much. However, she is the mother of all of the negativity and depression in our family. As I understand it from my mother, she's always been like that. And when one is around her, it becomes very difficult to get one's thought cycles on the positive track.
Anyway, I went out in the early afternoon and read some of Mark Twain's anti-war works on the porch swing. Then I fell asleep with a light breeze blowing and Boingo on my lap.
I woke and had a late lunch with my folks. Dad has to work from seven tonight to seven in the morning. He works for LA County Fire in the dispatch center as the head of the computers, so he's got to be on hand. The fourth is to them what the day after thanksgiving is for malls. We had sausage cooked on the barbeque, beans from our garden, and s'mores for dessert out in our back yard.
Bugsy was eager to get in the house. Boingo was passive to the growing number of explosions, but I locked him in the garage anyway. I'll let him out right before I go to bed.
The good news came that Charles did not in fact have to work. Chas, Phish, Yod, Jessica, Sean, Mom and I assembled in my front yard for fireworks. Mom made her divine crab dip.
I have a tradition of taping people's pictures to fireworks to light them off. Often they're pictures of people I dislike and therefore enjoy seeing them blow up. But I'll also have some people I'm fond of to make it more artistic or at least to confuse. This year we started by blowing up Rumsfeld with an m-100. There was also Homestar Runner, Bush, Tom Dashell (sp?), J-Lo, Frank Lloyd Wright, Eminem (because I worked at Sweetwater for a year and had to listen to that crap every day), Orson Welles, and, for the finale, Nissa.
We also exploded a Pringles can until there was nothing left.
We had one of the most pleasant and enjoyable Fourth's I've ever had. I do think that people in my neighborhood are bracing for the inevitable outlawing of fireworks because there was a tremendous amount of illegal fireworks all over the place (including my own display, I confess.)

Thursday, July 03, 2003

It wasn't so bad of a bike ride after all. I mean, I did sweat a heck of a lot and it was hot. But it was actually kind of pleasant. I haven't been bothered by the heat.
I got back and went to get fireworks. I really like the Fourth of July. Actually, I really like setting off fireworks. I'm not into the blind, ernest, humorless, drunken patriotism thing at all at all. But I love to make things explode in front of my house. Garden Grove is one of the last places in OC where you can do that. Every year I try and get a good sized group over for this but this year everyone else has found other places to be. If anybody out there wants a place to see things explode, you're all welcome. I'm expecting to spend the evening lighting things off with my mother.
Well, that's really neither here nor there. I've got a buttload of legals along with some things left over from Mexico trips as visits to reservations. So it'll be a hoot regardless.

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

It's summer here. That's for danged sure.
I went to visit Chas this morning. Then I stopped by the comic book store and picked up the trade paperback of the first League of Extraordinary Gentlemen series. It's a great, smart comic. It's great enough that I'm getting set to loathe the movie. Or rather, probably to avoid the movie until I can rent it. Since the Matrix debacle I've decided that I'm going to avoid seeing films in the theater as much as possible. I'll see the midnight opening showing of Return of the King and I'll entertain the notion of hitting the odd art house flick. But other than that the movie theaters are now like amusement parks for me. Me: water, they: oil. Maybe another reason I need to get out of Orange County. The residents are driving me from all public areas with their evil.
Anyway, I also took a nap today because my nerves are screwing up my sleeping schedual.

I'm a little worried about the bike ride to the post office tomorrow. What with the early heat, I'm going to shed fifty pounds out of my pores by that time in the morning. By this time tomorrow, I'll probably be all lissome and sveldt.

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

Reading: The Naked Civil Servant by Quentin Crisp
Watching: The Third Man
Listening to: Windblown Kiss by Lovespirals (an awesome album for hot summer nights)

Monday, June 30, 2003

Oh, it's late and I'm writing anyway.
Today I had the task of taking my father's car, with the flat tire in the trunk and the spare on where the flat normally is, to the tire store to fix the flat in the trunk. In the lobby, an old lady sat down across from me and asked if I sold on eBay because I had the day's packages in my lap. I told her that I had an online book business. We chatted for about twenty minutes about books. Then the guy came and told her that her car was done and she got up and waved quickly at me before she left.
After she left I felt lonely.
I went to Chapman early. I met up with Niss and talked with her for a while about the Harry Potter book that we've both finished now and about how I'm adjusting still. I went to the Orange library and got twenty books for inventory.
Dr. Shrinker and I worked on my loneliness and the reason I'm doing how I'm doing with Nissa. You see, when I'm away from her I miss her and when I'm around her I wish I weren't. Dr. Shrinker and I thought that this is probably because I miss what we had but when we're together it's not exactly like what we have so I get a little resentful. I haven't fallen in love with how our relationship is now.
Then I booked over to the Liquid Den and saw an amazing night of poetry. Honestly, kids, it's the best poetry reading in Orange County right now, which I know isn't saying much. But there's been two weeks without a clunker and that's a miraculous record for a reading. Come on down on Monday's at nine.

Oh, and how comes ambulances sound like ghosts?

Sunday, June 29, 2003

Worked in the garden most of the morning. We were out in the front yard at one point and a Vietnamese lady with her little girl, probably around 2 years old, came walking by. When they got to our yard, the child said, "Meow! Meow!"
The lady said, "Yes, Meow."
We tried to bring Bugsy over for the little girl to see but Bugsy kept running away. Boingo was no where to be found, which was probably good for all parties. The Vietnamese lady told us that the word for cat in Vietnamese sounds like "Meow." So when the child sees a cat, she says "Meow."

I spent most of the afternoon on my back on the porch swing reading. I also snoozed a little when Boingo climbed up on my belly and took a nap.
Tonight, Nissa and I went to the Nickle Arcade. It's the first time we've done that since the break. It was a little weird to not kiss between levels of Gauntlet. But all together it was probably our least awkward time together since the break up.
Oh and Pat called tonight. He wants me to move up to Chico. They have a room in their back yard they think I should move into. I'm thinking about it. He says rent's on him and as much food as he can afford is on him. I think him and Andi have a girl from their church in mind for me (Calvary Chapel for those of you playing along at home.) I don't know. I love Chico. I could totally live there. But I kind of think that Pat and Andi have a different life in mind for me than I have for myself. They're going for the "marry a church girl, settle down, open a used bookstore and lead a life of comfortable ministry" for me. Which isn't too far from what I want, save the girl needing to be a church girl. Or even exclusively Christian. I mean, I'm not exclusively by any means.
And what if I have my Crowley books on my bookshelf in my back yard room? Or what if I want to have a girl over? Where'm I gonna watch my Kevin Smith movies? I mean, I'm not much of a sinner anymore by my old standards, but I sure as heck ain't the kind of saint my brother strives to be. I live clean, but not antiseptic. Having said all of that, I can't say I'm not considering it. It would be different. It would be out of OC. Lots to think on.